I have never kept anything from my children, they know they had a big brother.

They have recognised when I’m unhappy, worried, unsure and so much more. This doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent, I know we are there to protect our children, but should we hide emotions from them too.

For me never hide, emotions are every human beings way of dealing with worries, stresses and grief. My children are in tune with their emotions and can express themselves. I couldn’t be prouder of who they are today.

I spent many a sleepless night worrying of how my hard times would have affected the children, and it will always worry me, but reality is that there was no need to worry.

As I continued on my journey through grief, and despite my own issues, I always no matter what did the best for my children, and it shows.

Be proud of yourself and your journey and digest the positives others say about you❤️💙💔

I continue on a journey of change and with every new journey I’m learning more and gaining more experiences.

Not only am I learning, I’m also able to share my experiences and encourage others to talk too.

I will always go out of my way to help others because I will never forget how kind people were to me at a time where I could not see how I was going to carry on.

My advice to everyone, please just be kind, and if there is nothing nice to say, then say nothing…. Life is hard enough for many people, without the need for negativity ❤️💙💔

I can’t stress to you the importance of acceptance. You can’t greive until you accept, you can’t process without accepting, you can’t begin without acceptance of a closure.

No matter what your going through, whether it be a loss, significant change in your life, anything really….. The key to new beginnings and the journey to continuing in your life that has changed considerably is acceptance.

I accept that we lost our boy…. Doesn’t mean I got over it, as I never will, but I accept it.

I accept that I will never be the person I was before I lost him, but I will embrace the new slightly broken me.

I will accept that I feel deeper, worry more and lack confidence, I haven’t had a lifetime to get to know myself but rather 20 years is what I’ve had, and 4-5 of those I would rather forget, but a lot of it I can’t remember.

I accept that I suffered with depression for years, acceptance means I can also accept that I’m now in a much better place💙💔

Today I was invited to speak on radio Wales, to express my opinion on the proposed changes. A week or two just isn’t enough is it really…. or is it? Truth is everyone grieves differently, there is no time limit, you do what you can do as you feel appropriate… Don’t let any written rule, push you to do what you think you must, only you know when your ready……

Don’t hold it in, you can’t it makes it 10 times worse… You will over think it, you will exaggerate it, you will feel its weight in your mind more than ever.

Keep talking, it becomes less, it recieves more opinions, it will be minimised, some of it may be taken on by others 💙💔

Stronger than strong is where I have to be in my life right now. Its not easy but I know that in time my strength will make a difference to others.

I take pride in helping other people, as when you have experienced grief, heartache and pain, you always want to help others. You know what it’s like to hurt, and you don’t wish to see anyone else hurting.

Be kind to others, but don’t forget yourself in the process. Be true to yourself and be the best person you can be❤️💙💔

Exams have been this week, and I ain’t going lie it was a struggle…

I’ve been struggling since Christmas really, you see there is this thing…. Expectation…..

I hate expectations, I hate what it does, I should just be OK now right? … I know its been nearly 20 years since you grew your wings…. But you should be here with me. I want to see you grow, learn, achieve, love, have your own family…..

Instead I wonder……. Because that’s all I can do. I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been, but still it’s a battle….. I am your mum, and I will live the best life I can for you. 💔💙

So it’s the beginning of another year another decade…. 2020. I will face this year head on just as I have done in the past.

2019 saw me complete my first year in uni and start my second year, I got more engaged with extra curricular activities including being a student rep, and a member of enactus. I completed my cruse bereavement training ready to support people in the new year. I left the NHS after many years and started working in the university.

I saw my beautiful children develop and grow and made precious memories. We finally completed the bedroom renovations after buying the house, we now officially have a 4 bedroom house. We completed part of the garden that is a very special safe space.

The year ahead I hope to complete the renovations on the ground floor of the house. Successfully complete my 2nd year in uni, secure a permanent part time job, continue to volunteer with cruse and scouts.

But most of all I hope to get to the end of 2020 happy and healthy, and I wish the same for all my family and friends ❤️💙🙏

Waw I was heavily pregnant this time 20years ago. Who would have thought that the millennium would be so cruel to us. I was one of the lucky ones who had a millennium baby, there was so much hype………. But, the world had a different path for us and he was sadly taken away from us far too soon……….

I don’t regret having him, as he was ours, if only for 6 weeks. I adored him and although we had such a short time with him, we made special memories.

I don’t remember much of the years that followed, but I don’t have any regrets as what I did then was the only way I knew how to survive.

20 years on….. Well what can I say, I’ve done well. I’m a mum again to 2 lovely children and a Foster mum. I’m successful, thoughtful and wise. I’m a tiger and I wear my stripes with pride🐅💙💔

The veg is prepped and the turkey cooked, the gifts are under the tree. Presents are placed in the cemetery, but my only wish is to have you. 💖🎄🎅