Trust your instinct….

People will always think I’m not brave enough…. I may be sensitive and get upset by things quite easily… But one thing life has taught me is trust your instinct….

I wanted to do a degree… But worried about finance and family etc…some people I know, thought I wouldn’t go and do it… But I knew that once I made my decision I would stick by it.

It’s the best thing I have ever done in a few weeks I will be sitting my second lot of exams and finishing my first year.

I will never be an A✳️ student but I will earn my degree through sheer graft and determination and nothing will get in my way(not even algebra😁🀯) . πŸ’™πŸ’”

Very real….

So after we lost our son, and the relationship broke down, and I moved out …..

I struggled… How was I to go from being a family to being on my own…

I tried to ‘just carry on’, but I couldn’t I was soo lonely… I wanted to be loved…. What a dangerous place to be…..

There is always someone waiting to take advantage by being kind pretending they care … But there are also those who quietly in the wings see your vulnerability and ensure you safety….. But they won’t always be there… Be careful πŸ’™πŸ’”

Broken people….

With having experienced grief and loss like no other…..

When out and about and I come across what I see are very broken people…. I often wonder was I just lucky that I had the help, support and strength and could that have been me?

Or is it that they have never experienced anything like it but rather chose that path….not realising how difficult it was to get out of…

I guess the only way for me is to never judge… As you really don’t know πŸ’™πŸ’”

Cry….

There are occasions when I just cry…. Interestingly recently its around doctors, nurses person if authority or anything associated with illness…..

Im not sure why this is… But can only think its something to do with my experience.

Explaining to a doctor I’m not well or that there is something wrong with one of my children always does it!!

I really wish I could change this but for now I will accept what is πŸ’™πŸ’”

Teenagers…..

Two of my kids are now teenagers… and I feel them spreading their wings…

It makes me anxious and I worry about them…. But I have to let them go.

Now and again I insist on some us time….. Today I asked them both to help me make a pie…. Just yo try and spend some time with them.

I love them to the moon an back and only wish I could…..wrap them in cotton wool forever πŸ’™πŸ’”

Exhausted….

The thing with experiencing grief yourself is that you feel deeper, notice more, try and change things for people, try and help…

I see someone in pain I want to help…i see someone cry… I cry with them.. Someone’s ill… I want to help….

It’s difficult because you sometimes there is nothing you can do to make things better for them…. So the worry takes over….

Im exhausted….. I wouldn’t change who I am or have become but it would be nice to be able to switch off sometimes πŸ’™πŸ’”