Very real….

So after we lost our son, and the relationship broke down, and I moved out …..

I struggled… How was I to go from being a family to being on my own…

I tried to ‘just carry on’, but I couldn’t I was soo lonely… I wanted to be loved…. What a dangerous place to be…..

There is always someone waiting to take advantage by being kind pretending they care … But there are also those who quietly in the wings see your vulnerability and ensure you safety….. But they won’t always be there… Be careful 💙💔

Broken people….

With having experienced grief and loss like no other…..

When out and about and I come across what I see are very broken people…. I often wonder was I just lucky that I had the help, support and strength and could that have been me?

Or is it that they have never experienced anything like it but rather chose that path….not realising how difficult it was to get out of…

I guess the only way for me is to never judge… As you really don’t know 💙💔

Cry….

There are occasions when I just cry…. Interestingly recently its around doctors, nurses person if authority or anything associated with illness…..

Im not sure why this is… But can only think its something to do with my experience.

Explaining to a doctor I’m not well or that there is something wrong with one of my children always does it!!

I really wish I could change this but for now I will accept what is 💙💔

Teenagers…..

Two of my kids are now teenagers… and I feel them spreading their wings…

It makes me anxious and I worry about them…. But I have to let them go.

Now and again I insist on some us time….. Today I asked them both to help me make a pie…. Just yo try and spend some time with them.

I love them to the moon an back and only wish I could…..wrap them in cotton wool forever 💙💔

Exhausted….

The thing with experiencing grief yourself is that you feel deeper, notice more, try and change things for people, try and help…

I see someone in pain I want to help…i see someone cry… I cry with them.. Someone’s ill… I want to help….

It’s difficult because you sometimes there is nothing you can do to make things better for them…. So the worry takes over….

Im exhausted….. I wouldn’t change who I am or have become but it would be nice to be able to switch off sometimes 💙💔

Make the most of what you got….

Attended my uncle’s funeral today… Was nice to see so many people there…

It’s a real shame we don’t get together more often as a family.

One thing today taught me is that people notice kind hearted people…. and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Today showed ne that our uncle was loved by many, may you rest in peace…

Tell your loved ones what they mean to you now/today for tomorrow is not promised 💙💔xx