So I recently viewed a video of an accident on a motorway where the person recording had sat back and recorded and posted on facebook…

I instantly felt for the poor families involved….. and anger towards the driver for recording instead of helping… and commented.

This was followed by a stream of angry comments towards my thoughts…. Why should he put himself at risk, the video would help the investigators… Etc….

I can’t help how I feel, I would want to help… I know what grief feels like I stated…..

Whilst our experiences have made us sensitised to grief and pain….. We must make sure we are aware of the risks involved in all situations… Pause for thought 💙💔

So as you all know I’m doing my degree, and I had a blip last week…. Nothing major just a blip… As I’m sure you all do too.

So I have been searching for an answer as to why I couldn’t face uni one afternoon last week…..

Truth is there is no answer….. I simply had a really bad day… And I know that if I had turned up I wouldn’t have absorbed anything….

There will always be ups and downs…. this is normal… Everyone has bad days….. 💙💔

I would like nothing more than to be at home with the kiddies every day, but as I’m striving to be better and working my way through first year in university… There is no such luck.

But I’m not going to let the week pass without spending time with them… So I came home a meeting then a visit…. Then off we went a meal out and a walk in the dark… Making memories is what it’s all about.

It may not feel like enough.. But they and I, will remember it as we all had fun, laughter and love 💔💙

It’s not easy… You’re kids want to go out… But what if?

What time will you be back? Where you going? With who?

I just want to keep them safe, but my battle every day is rationalising my thoughts… I used to put pressure on myself to keep them safe…. But I was stopping them having their freedom, their childhood.

So despite my fears I let them go… and there is no greater feeling than the hug I get on their return, and the relief….

What we feel, is normal… All parents worry…. We just worry that little bit more 💙💔

Had the most amazing weekend…

I really didn’t want to go… Every possible fear ran through my body before going, even silly things like… Oh I will look a mess, everyone will have nice clothes…. Etc

I tell you this, make yourself go out even if you feel you don’t want to….

I had the most amazing time with lovely friends…. We laughed, cried, screamed….. Everything!!!

The most amazing time!!!!!!

Now I’m back where I belong…. Home with my family 💙💔🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

I’m on a night out in Liverpool with friends and this question came up….

What 5 things do you like about yourself:

• My eyes
• My small waist (despite having a big arse)
• My tiny feet
• My inner strength
• My good heart

Now if this had been asked a while ago I’m sure my answers would have been different, or maybe I wouldn’t find a single thing to say…

I’m not perfect but I am who I am…

Whats your 5 things…..

Life after child loss, it goes on, slightly different and not as planned… But it goes on… Learn to live yourself again x💙💔

Does the fact that you cried day in day out, for weeks, months, years, mean you are depressed….

I’m not sure…. I think it was the biggest loss I ever faced…. Surely the fact that I cried so much showed I was going through the natural grieving process.

But on many occasion I was given anti depressants….. But all I needed was for someone to say what I was feeling, was totally normal…part of the trauma of loosing my one and only son at the time.

Don’t be too hasty to take the pills, crying is normal, you need to grieve…. and run through the emotions 💙💔

You may capture a glimpse of a parent and child doing the simplest of things and just smile and admire or even feel sad……

This is because you know more than them probably, how precious their moment is….

They are the moments we want…..its natural to admire, absorb, or even feel jealous…..

For we aren’t as fortunate as those standing in front of us 💙💔

I was 21 when I had my little boy…. I felt ready was happy and ready to make a family…..

But I wasn’t old enough to deal with what was facing me…. Loosing him so soon… 💙💔

But then is there a right age?….. It scares me when i see very young pregnant ladies …. It scares me as the only aspect we think of is the positive side, the young child that we will hold in our arms…. But the reality is it can be so different tragically different…..

If there’s one thing in this world I could change, it would be that no. Child would pass away before their parent… Cause it just ain’t right 💙💔

Between the the loss and the funeral… You see so many people….. More than you could ever think about…. Its like a overwhelming tsunami of people… I don’t mean any offence in what I’m saying as I know these are all people who care….

But then the funeral passes and normal service resumes….. you would do anything to get that tsunami back….

You think to yourself, where is everyone?

How can they just go back to work and carry on with their lives..

It’s because its the norm, this is life continuing….. It doesn’t mean they have forgotten about you… It just means they have responsibilities to and a family to keep…

But I ask this should we be limited to a number of days when grieving 3-5days for a loss of a family member?

I know you can go to the doctors and get time off….. but why in the worst time of our life should we have to worry about such matters….

Grieving takes time…. Its different for everyone 💙💔