I know we all grieve differently… I treat the birthday different to the anniversary… I mark it with little gifts and a visit to the cemetery.

I think back to the day he was born, and how loved he was by all, he was perfect.

People have been so kind today and sent me lovely messages…. Thankyou 💙💔

I kept myself busy time with my family then tackled a huge pile of ironing… 💙💓💔

It’s O. G.’s 19th birthday tomorrow…. I can’t believe so much time has passed…

It feels like yesterday I was giving birth..

Kept myself busy today, spent time with my family.

My eldest was singing ‘Sweet Caroline’ to himself earlier…. Brought a tear to my eye…. That was one of my dad’s favourites….

Re-itteration that our lost loved ones live on in us 💙💔

So it’s the weekend again….

Just got to bed after completing and submitting my assignment….

A little overwhelmed at the moment with so much to do…. But I have adopted the moto that I hope will help me through it…

It is… What it is 😳

My little man’s birthday is looming he would be 19years old on the 10th of March and the thinking cap is on…. What do I get him for his birthday…💙💔

So you see… Those of you who have been following my blog over the last few weeks I hope will have realised that it’s been relatively normal…..

Ups and downs… Yes, but normal life resumes….

There is always gonna be the little things that trigger your thoughts, make you think of your loved ones….

This becomes part of you… These are your triggers…. They will remain… And that’s OK.

Think of yourself as a tree…. They are your branches, that sometimes get blown in the wind 💙💔

You have so much on your mind…. You have additional unnecessary worries…… Strain that you put upon yourself.

You must do this…. Why can’t I do that… You feel like you have to do things….. Or your letting people down…

Stop….in the middle of all of this you have travelled in your car…. How did you get there…. What were you concentrating on…

It’s scary….. But please take a moment when you get into your car…. Stop put the thoughts aside and concentrate on the road…. 💙💔

So I made pancakes last night for my college friends…

I came home and 4 attempts of making pancakes were a failure…. I was a failure… My kids weren’t going to have nice pancakes on pancake day.. I was a bad mum, I was letting them down….

My dad used to make the most amazing thick pancakes one would fill you up and it was always a brilliant family evening…. Why couldnt I do the same…. 😥

So after a cry a rant and taking a moment to put things in perspective…. I got back in that kitchen and made amazing pancakes…. Once again I was doing OK…. Its the little things 💙💔

It’s true to say people do think your vulnerable… When you have experienced loss, hardship, pain….. Don’t allow yourself to be taken for granted or used…

I mistook people who were harmful to me for friends or people who genuinely cared when I was at my lowest…

Have courage to step back, evaluate and don’t feel pressured….. for in grief your perception can be altered by the fact that you want to be loved and cared for and just want to feel someone is there for you.. 💙💔

So today I have felt a whirlwind of emotions….

Laughter (mum telling me I made page 3🙈)

Cried (a simple hug from my next door neighbour no words needed)

Love (cuddles from the kids… Never enough cuddles to be had savour each one)

Tearful (just everything getting too much… Sensitive to everyone’s feelings as well as my own)

So after a roast dinner for tea and a nice walk…. I’m going to relax and put my feet up and watch, ‘a star is born’ 💙💔

So I know I have done my blog for today….. But I also want to share with you all what I’ve been up to today….

My son who is 14 was competing today in a basketball tournament… He and his team did amazing and won, and I am so proud…

But I must tell you being surrounded by other parents is refreshing… I though it was only me that worried about them getting injured…. But guess what it wasn’t just me…. A mother’s instinct and reassurance it’s normal 💙💔

So looking at the support and messages from other grieving parents following my press coverage this weekend….

A couple of things I want to reiterate……

1. No loss is the same….
2. My loss isn’t worse than anyone else’s…
3. We all can learn from one and others experiences…
4. We are not alone…
5. Talking about grief shouldn’t be taboo….

Thankyou all for your support.