I may not be able to change who I became….

I am who I am due to what I have been through….

As I grow older I have grown to love the new me…. Far from perfect but me…… Embrace who you are and do what feels right 💙💔

With having experienced grief and loss like no other…..

When out and about and I come across what I see are very broken people…. I often wonder was I just lucky that I had the help, support and strength and could that have been me?

Or is it that they have never experienced anything like it but rather chose that path….not realising how difficult it was to get out of…

I guess the only way for me is to never judge… As you really don’t know 💙💔

There are occasions when I just cry…. Interestingly recently its around doctors, nurses person if authority or anything associated with illness…..

Im not sure why this is… But can only think its something to do with my experience.

Explaining to a doctor I’m not well or that there is something wrong with one of my children always does it!!

I really wish I could change this but for now I will accept what is 💙💔

Two of my kids are now teenagers… and I feel them spreading their wings…

It makes me anxious and I worry about them…. But I have to let them go.

Now and again I insist on some us time….. Today I asked them both to help me make a pie…. Just yo try and spend some time with them.

I love them to the moon an back and only wish I could…..wrap them in cotton wool forever 💙💔

The thing with experiencing grief yourself is that you feel deeper, notice more, try and change things for people, try and help…

I see someone in pain I want to help…i see someone cry… I cry with them.. Someone’s ill… I want to help….

It’s difficult because you sometimes there is nothing you can do to make things better for them…. So the worry takes over….

Im exhausted….. I wouldn’t change who I am or have become but it would be nice to be able to switch off sometimes 💙💔

Attended my uncle’s funeral today… Was nice to see so many people there…

It’s a real shame we don’t get together more often as a family.

One thing today taught me is that people notice kind hearted people…. and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Today showed ne that our uncle was loved by many, may you rest in peace…

Tell your loved ones what they mean to you now/today for tomorrow is not promised 💙💔xx

There is always one distinct thing that reminds you of your loved one….

My little man smiled at tigger… So tigger is our thing…. Its engraved on his headstone and on me …

Tigger always makes me smile…..💙💔

Many people treat the graveside differently….i went through many a phase….

There all hours

There every day

Didn’t want to move house as wanted to be near

Couldn’t go

A place of peace

So if your in the graveyard attending a funeral or just visiting don’t judge the unkempt grave…. They may not be able to face it right now… But rather take a moment and help them out…. Give it a tidy…. Throw the dead flowers and share the love 💙💔

People say gosh you have lots going on… Your like superwoman…… How do you do it……

Truth is I don’t know nor do I want to stop…. I don’t want to slow down… Or put myself first……

I think its a combination of who I once was, combined with battling depression – postnatal and loss….. Having too much time on my mind isn’t good for me as that’s when my mind wonders and longing comes in…

So for now and whilst I can…. I will continue with the being busy… As it keeps my mind healthy and happy. Do what’s right for you, cause only you know what’s right 💙💔

Hi…. Big hugs and kisses….🤗

Hi mam you OK?….💓

Love you mam, see you later….. 💖

Mum tea was nice, thankyou…. 💗

I’ve done my room mum!……… (not so often)🙄😜

Oh mum guess what?….. 🙈

These are the little things…. Breathe them in….. No matter what’s going on… No matter how bad you feel or how useless you think you are….🤯

Stop and absorb them…. You are loved and doing a great job 💙💔