So the exam went ok I guess, did the huge mistake of googling answers afterwards. Big mistake!!!!

Of course I’m still stressing about it lol….

Why can’t I just accept it is what it is….because I always think the worst us gonna happen…..right now in my head I’ve failed the exam, failed the course, pulled out of uni…….STOP!!!!

What will be will be I did my best….that in reality is all I can do❤️💙💔

So as I prepare for my exams, in university I think about how my life has changed over the last 18 years.

I may never be the person I was before all this, my life path was going to be very different.

But after some years lost…..I started to rebuild my life. I went from being a experienced hotel worker/chef to admin…and since have been building a new life.

Last year I began my degree at uni and am hoping to give it my all, despite the challenges.

You see if you set your mind to it anything is possible 💙💔

Why survival I hear you say……well this is what my life became after loosing my precious boy who at the time was my only child.

In the first couple of years it almost wasn’t survival, but with friends and family and the little fight I had left in me I built myself back up.

I will never be whom I was…but that’s ok as I am proud of who I am today…battle scars on the inside and out but they are mine and I wear them with pride 💙💔

Every night before bed I check on my children, if they are sleeping I check their breathing…..yes that’s right 18 years later I’m still doing this.

Two of my children are teenagers and I still check on them. If I wake in the night which is most nights…..I have to check they are ok otherwise I can’t go back to sleep.

I’m not a morning person 🤨 in fact speak to me before 10 and it could go either way😬🤨😁…….this is because even after 18 years I can’t sleep properly.💙💔

So today has been a pretty average day….yes that right a average normal day…we can have those.

Just a busy day followed by a lovely tea with my family…..love them 💙

However now I’m on my own for an hour ….this is when the mind wonders back to you…💙💔👼

So as I sit here having spent the day with family and devoured a roast dinner….I only wish I was setting the table for 6….there is a permanent void in my heart 💙

Looking into the new year…..my only wish is that I continue to set the table for 5….I hope and pray that my family remain safe and well and we continue on our journey one day at a time….one foot in front of the other.

I wish you all a happy and healthy new year, and hope that you all find the courage and strength to face the challenges ahead. 💙💔💙

Sivas I prepare for a new years eve get together, I’m thinking of something someone said to me today….

‘your like super woman, you don’t stop ….always on the go…’

Well yes this is true…..not sure about superwoman…but I am always on the go always pushing myself…always striving to be better.

You see if I stopped or when I stop….I’m not sure what I will do….. This is what keeps me going 💙💔

I sadly heard today of the passing of a young man who is the son of a school friend…..

There are no words 😭

Heaven has gained another beautiful angel 👼💙

I’m not sure about the ‘times a great healer’ ……but what I do know from my own experience is that time doesn’t heal however with time you find ways, tactics, methods, distractions,things that help you continue on your journey.

You build your resilience over time and yes things doo get better…… This doesn’t mean you have forgotten it means you have found strength.💪💙