This time of year is difficult for me as 10 March till 22 April was the 6 weeks where my baby boy was alive….

These 6 weeks every year, is like having a cloud above you and something pressing on your heart…

I relive everything….

But all this aside…. I’m one lucky lady with a lovely family, and looking forward to a lovely weekend with family and friends 💙💔

Tomorrow marks a big change in my life….

It doesn’t scare me nor does it make me feel sad…. Its just another fresh start.

It’s good to push yourself out of your comfort zone sometimes. It wakes up many emotions, and pushes you to think differently and develop further.

Here’s to the future 💙💔

We don’t chose our life yes we make decisions along the way… But we deal with the life we are given.

Im not sure given the chance I would change anything, obviously one thing (losing my boy).

But all my experiences have made me who I am, and has given me what I have…

In reality I’m one lucky lady, I have a family who are there for me and we have love and laughter don’t underestimate the power of love 💙💔

It’s exhausting worrying about everything…You see sometimes something happens and that’s it your mind goes into overdrive.. You think all sorts… the most horrible things cross my mind.

More tiring still is controlling those feelings, cause I know that it’s my experience of waking up to my son having passed away, that have made me think like this. Acceptance of my thoughts is key to learning to live again. 💙💔

Went to my son’s grave today only to find everything had been piled up on the headstone…

Then dried grass piled on top of everything…. It looked awful.

I know they have a job to do, but is making such a mess necessary.

I scrubbed and cleared until everything was in its rightful place, his little headstone is clear again and looking nice 💙💔

Treasure moments…

They may be silly, serious, humble, loving or grief but they are all moments that you look back at.

People live on in your memory of moments you remember… And those moments will be shared, meaning your loved ones will still be talked about and remembered. 💙💔

I used to beat myself up for not feeling as bad when I lost my dad…although dad was young when he passed, he had suffered for many years. You expect that one day you will lose a parent. But never, ever do you expect your child will go before you.

So in the process, your dealing not only with grief, but with shock, disbelief, and a part of you missing…

It takes time, determination and strength… There are no rules.. Do what’s right 💙💔

Today I had my first taste of mindfulness…. Not sure it was for me..

The thing is everyone has their own way of dealing with their experiences. Mine is to keep busy….

Taking a moment for me would be more challenging than I can imagine..

Don’t get me wrong I’m sure it would work for many, but for me just having a day now and again when I can, wear my pyjamas all day, chill, catch up on TV, and be with my family makes me happy 💙💔

We asked everyone to wear colourful clothes for the Funeral….. Its brightened up a really difficult day…

The pain wasn’t any less, the colours meant nothing….but at the time it felt right for us.

There are no rules in grief, but don’t be pushed or influenced by others as these are the things that you will regret in the future… 💙💔

Don’t get me wrong I love talking about my kids….., but I will talk of all 3.

I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, I just want to chat about all my children… For each one of them has a place in my heart and mind.

I am a mum to three children 🙋‍♂️💁‍♀️😇💙💔