Went to my son’s grave today only to find everything had been piled up on the headstone…

Then dried grass piled on top of everything…. It looked awful.

I know they have a job to do, but is making such a mess necessary.

I scrubbed and cleared until everything was in its rightful place, his little headstone is clear again and looking nice 💙💔

Treasure moments…

They may be silly, serious, humble, loving or grief but they are all moments that you look back at.

People live on in your memory of moments you remember… And those moments will be shared, meaning your loved ones will still be talked about and remembered. 💙💔

I used to beat myself up for not feeling as bad when I lost my dad…although dad was young when he passed, he had suffered for many years. You expect that one day you will lose a parent. But never, ever do you expect your child will go before you.

So in the process, your dealing not only with grief, but with shock, disbelief, and a part of you missing…

It takes time, determination and strength… There are no rules.. Do what’s right 💙💔

Today I had my first taste of mindfulness…. Not sure it was for me..

The thing is everyone has their own way of dealing with their experiences. Mine is to keep busy….

Taking a moment for me would be more challenging than I can imagine..

Don’t get me wrong I’m sure it would work for many, but for me just having a day now and again when I can, wear my pyjamas all day, chill, catch up on TV, and be with my family makes me happy 💙💔

We asked everyone to wear colourful clothes for the Funeral….. Its brightened up a really difficult day…

The pain wasn’t any less, the colours meant nothing….but at the time it felt right for us.

There are no rules in grief, but don’t be pushed or influenced by others as these are the things that you will regret in the future… 💙💔

Don’t get me wrong I love talking about my kids….., but I will talk of all 3.

I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, I just want to chat about all my children… For each one of them has a place in my heart and mind.

I am a mum to three children 🙋‍♂️💁‍♀️😇💙💔

Even though he passed away we spoke to him at the grave side as a baby, as a toddler, as a child as a teenager and as a young adult.

The conversations by the grave side matured with time, the gifts changed, the birthdays have been marked…

He even got a flashing light badge (which I would have made him wear) for his 18th birthday….

One thing for sure loved over many years….and living every year in our hearts… 💙💔

I had a few what I call null and void years after losing my little man….

These were years where I just existed.. And all my effort was used just exist….

It was like I was in a daze… Don’t remember much only snippets of continuation…

But the point is I survived, continued a succeeded…. Nothing major to report there, but I tell, you those years are my greatest achievement….. 💙💔

Push yourself out of your comfort zone… Do the things you don’t really feel like doing. I’m not a really outgoing person and hate social events…. But I push myself every time…i had a really good evening… Thankyou to all my followers I consider you all my extended family 💙💔

I learnt this the hard way….Now I….. Love with all my heart… Laugh hard…. Never hold grudges… Be nice to everyone……Distance myself from negativity…I feel everything, deeper than ever before… 💙💔