It takes me time to adjust every day…. Not because of anything specific but because I once lost myself, and to be comfortable I need time to adjust to my surroundings.

People have had years to accept who they are, and I know we all have hangups, but 19 years ago I became a whole new imperfect person .

I can honestly say I had at least 5-6years where I just scraped by just about managing to function.

By today I have embraced the new me, imperfect, broken, sensitive, lost sole….. If there was a name for someone who has lost a child it would incorporate all these things… 💓💙💔😔

This week has been one of those brave face kinda weeks. Really not myself at the moment, I have been seeking peace in long drives and time alone.

I have wondered if the daily battle is worth it, if there is sunshine at the end of this storm….

Do you know what, its OK to feel like this because after all I am only human, even the strongest people have to battle.

I will continue to be strong and love with all my heart💓💙💔

The beauty of the mind is that nobody knows what your thinking……

But if its a bad feeling get it out there as they can build and weigh you down.. And as they say a problem shared is a problem halved.

Today as we all sat down for tea I took a minute while everyone was tucking in, to appreciate how lucky I am, I didn’t say a word I just took it all in… Although I have faced the unimaginable I am, and always will be lucky to have my family 💓💙💔

What is happiness….?

There is something that makes you happy…. My children, family and home give me happiness…..

But my inner happiness is achieved when I go for a drive, or even sit in the car looking at some lovely scenery or watching the world go by listening to the rain.

It’s important you find the things that help you clear your mind, find your inner peace 💔💙💓

Don’t feel sorry for me….. Respect who I am

Don’t cry for me….. Smile with me

Don’t try and spare my feelings…… Tell me everything

The one thing a grieving person wants is to be treated normally, they already feel like they are different like they are the only one… Like the now have a label.

Just surround them with love, be normal, and talk… Communication is key. Nobody should feel alone in their grief 💙💔

I still have crap days, and I totally fail at times to realise how much I am loved as well as how much love I have to give.Loss makes you question all feelings, kindness, relationships and so much more….Im far from perfect, but I will cross oceans for my loved ones…. Its just a shame that there are people in the world that will use me with blatant disregard for my feelings.But love conquers all and I have love in my life… Love my family 💙💔

Today we were talking about our childhoods…. It was so nice thinking back to how things were….We didn’t have a lot growing up but we did have food on the table, clothes on our back, a roof over our head and we were loved.I struggles with depression and the grief took over after I lost Owain, and I always worried about the effects on my kids……But yo be honest if they can look back at their life and smile like I did today, then we ain’t done too bad 😁💙💔

I have seen people turn their grief and loss into anger, I’m guilty of doing this myself…..

Just try if you can to take a moment cause your anger can push people away, hurt people, even destroy people as well as yourself…

Express your grief in other ways, write, talk, draw…. Any way you can…but don’t be angry and hurt others and yourself…. Be graceful

💙💔

So as I wait for the final marks for my first year studying business and finance, I reflect on what has been a very challenging year.

I have lost my confidence over the years, and being in the university pushed me to be less socially awkward.

Even though I am fourty the other students treated me equally and I have made a great group of friends..

I worked hard and I hope the exam results will show my efforts.

I also left my job in order to concentrate on university life and have more flexibility by working bank shifts….

I am so proud of my achievements to date…gain strength from your experiences and create positives❤️💙💔

So when I talk as bout my life with new people, I see they feel for me and what I’ve been through.

Some clearly don’t know what to say…. But this week someone responded and recognised how much I do and how busy I am…. And in their kindness…. Their advice….

‘People like you were put on the earth for a reason, I strongly believe your one of those….. Be kind to yourself’. ❤️💙💔