So tomorrow marks 9 years since I lost my dad. He sadly passed away due to the horrible illness MS.

My dad was wheelchair bound when i lost my son back in 2000, but insisted on carrying my boy’s tiny coffin . He wrapped his arms around it tight in his wheelchair..

That day he showed true strength, I’ve been proud of my dad all my life, but that day more than ever..

I guess what I’m trying to say is no matter how bad its gets deep down in your soul you have an inner strength, your reserve for those days when you really need it… 💙💔

A lot of people supported me, during very difficult times…..

I made a promise back then that if I could help someone I would. Today’s conversations have re-itterated this.

Helping doesn’t have to be a big thing, it can be the smallest of things…. But I can guarantee you it won’t go unnoticed.

It gives you the helper also something a sense of belonging, a warming in your heart knowing you helped somebody 💙💔

You know today I heard someone speak about not having to suffer negative people in their life…..

You know it’s true when your grieving surround yourself only with those who bring positivity….whether it be through support, love,advice anything….but only the positive.

Excluding the negative people doesn’t mean your being harsh or horrible…it means your strong enough to know you deserve better or you know it’s not what you need at that moment in your life… But stay humble and grounded…….💙💔

I remember feeling immense guilt for smiling or laughing during the early weeks of bereavement and remember myself actually saying “oh I musnt laugh”…..

I tell you this if I hadn’t have had those moments…the little laughter or moments that made me smile….I wouldn’t be writing this blog.

It’s ok to smile, it’s ok to laugh, it’s ok to crack a joke in moments of grief….it’s ok because….it’s ok…. you don’t need to justify your actions to nobody do what feels right…..nobody can tell you how to grieve 💙💔

Love the weekends spend time with your loved ones ….

When you face the loss of a loved one you realise how precious your loved ones are….yes there are things to do always…..but always make sure your family come first.

What will your children remember when your gone….that you cleaned the house every Saturday or that you jamp in puddles with them, played games with them and made time for them.💙💔

So you know you can live on strive for better…… you may not feel like it right now….. but I promise you if I can…. having totally lost myself in the first few years after loosing my precious boy then you can too.

Currently studying a degree today I have completed my fourth exam out of 6. I’m not going to be an A* student but I’m going to do my best to pass each year until I graduate.

I’m doing this to improve my future prospects, secure my future and help my family. I hope too that this will make my kids, family and friends proud of me 💙💔

Say goodnight…..

Tell them you love them…..

Hold them tight………

Make them smile…….

For tomorrow is not promised to any of us 💙💔

I know some people role their eyes, or say , ‘here she goes again,’ or even ‘we know you’ve lost a son get over it’ …..harsh!!

That’s the reality people do become insensitive as time passes and you continue to mention your passed loved ones social media…..

I ask those people this, do people do it for attention? …….NO

They do it because they continue to hurt, they continue to think of and miss their loved ones. This is what they feel, makes them feel better……so take a moment to think how they may be feeling .

They want their loved ones to be remembered…..is that so bad? 💙💔

So I’m not great with doctors, nurses, specialists, dentists anything like that….I’m not sure why?

Since loosing my son I cry every time any professional asks me to explain what’s wrong with me or my kids….

I’m not upset or stressed before entering the room but something inside me makes me cry when they start talking to me.

I wonder if this stems from my experience of loosing my precious boy💙💔

Is anyone else like this?!?

So yesterday’s exam made my mind go a little wobbly to say the least!

Today I have just completed my law for business exam and it went well 💪

It’s back to routine today the hustle and bustle in the morning trying to get everyone ready for school work and nursery……

I love routine as I get the best bits of the day watching my kids do their activities, seeing them achieve and I don’t really get much time to think…that’s a bonus!

When I lost my son, never did j think my life was going to be like this I thought my world had ended……. I was extremely lucky to be given the chance to be a family again and I love every minute of it 💙💔