I think about you every day but especially near Christmas….when families come together, and joy is plain to see, my heart bleeds and my mind wonders, to you wherever you may be. I want to fill another sack, and set another place at the table, I want to see your smile and make memories for our future. Instead I will continue on this journey without you, my heart heavy and mind in wonder… I will visit the cemetery and place gifts on your grave, always and forever my beautiful baby boy 💙💕💕💖

As the term comes to an end at University… I near completion of the cruse bereavement support volunteer course, I’ve completed my first full term as an enactus vice president, and another term of being a beaver and cub leader and my part time job…

Im slowing down, and taking some time out for myself and my family, I’ve had a pampering this week, done some wrapping and baking….

But in the back of my mind is another Christmas with a piece of me in heaven. I wish I had to fill 4 sacks at Christmas, I wish I was setting the Christmas dinner table for 6…..

You live on in my heart little man💔💙

Sometimes you have to listen to what others say to you, words of encouragement, appreciation of your efforts, or one I hear quite often…. I don’t know how you do it.

I do it because I found strength in me,

when I accepted what was, and chose to continue life as the new me, not perfect but doing the best I can 💞❤️💙💔

You may have noticed I’ve been quiet lately, this is because I’ve been extremely busy..

I’ve started volunteering for cruse bereavement care, and am undergoing training.

Im doing it because I want to give something back to a service that helped me through my darkest times.

Never be afraid to ask for help 💙💔

The problem with facing a tragedy…. Is you lose yourself in the process.

I grieved for my son, but I also grieved the person I was..

Im 41, but the new me is only 19

Why.. Well because that day I became a new person, a person who panics when the kids take a tumble, a person who has a little bit of her heart in heaven, a person that wakes in the night to check on her children, a person who has earned her scars…

But I’m still a person and I have a future ahead of me. There will be dark days, but there will also be sunshine. 🌞💔💙

When thinking of my boy, I can feel so many emotions..

Love, grief, pain, physical aches and so much more

But I can also react with tears, laughter, smiles and sadness.

I only have one wish and that is that this had never happened to me.

But it did…. So I continue on my journey a new person, striving to be the best I can be

We went to a wedding yesterday and had a lovely time. Loads of extra special moments, making memories. Dancing with my eldest kids… I’m embarrassing…. But I don’t care😂They grow up far to quick and the thought of letting them loose in the big wide world scares me so much!!!But my grief and loss cant get in the way of them living their lives, I have guided and supported them and will continue to do so… ❤️💙💔

Sharing your feelings and thoughts shouldn’t be a taboo… So many of us suffer alone as we feel we can’t share our thoughts…

Be brave be bold and talk…

People talk about their kids all the time… Just because we have angels doesn’t mean their not our ours to talk about…. Talk be proud they are yours 💙💔

It’s the little things, today it suddenly dawned on me that the new students in uni now were born the same year as my son….

I get on with everyone, the fact I’m 21 years older doesn’t really affect the way I’m treated.

But it makes me wonder about the young man he would have been… My heart bleeds just thinking of him, and the life he has missed out on, and the lasting effect on family and friends.

I know he would have made us proud…. Until we meet again I will continue to make him proud💙❤️💔

I just keep busy. Im a mum, foster mum, university student, part time worker, volunteer and so much more…

There are no rules to grief…. You can feel like doing nothing, you can keep busy or just take life at a steady pace.

I’ve always kept busy, before I lost my boy, but when he was gone I struggled for a long time, and didn’t feel like doing much at all.That’s because so much changed….

I have built my self up from a million pieces, and know although one piece will always be missing, I’m striving to be the best I can be 💙❤️💔