People say gosh you have lots going on… Your like superwoman…… How do you do it……

Truth is I don’t know nor do I want to stop…. I don’t want to slow down… Or put myself first……

I think its a combination of who I once was, combined with battling depression – postnatal and loss….. Having too much time on my mind isn’t good for me as that’s when my mind wonders and longing comes in…

So for now and whilst I can…. I will continue with the being busy… As it keeps my mind healthy and happy. Do what’s right for you, cause only you know what’s right 💙💔

Hi…. Big hugs and kisses….🤗

Hi mam you OK?….💓

Love you mam, see you later….. 💖

Mum tea was nice, thankyou…. 💗

I’ve done my room mum!……… (not so often)🙄😜

Oh mum guess what?….. 🙈

These are the little things…. Breathe them in….. No matter what’s going on… No matter how bad you feel or how useless you think you are….🤯

Stop and absorb them…. You are loved and doing a great job 💙💔

I think I’m being avoided at the moment and people are being a little awkward…. My story was in the press…. Do they congratulate me?

It might not be the right thing to do?

It’s OK to say we’ll done or oh I saw your story…. Because what I’m doing is trying to help others…. Its OK to say even that you don’t like what I’m doing….

Im doing it not for sympathy, but for understanding and to try and help others who may have suffered….

Nobody should feel alone… 💙💔

You just don’t want to face the world, do you…

People don’t know what to say…

You don’t know what to say….

They are staring, judging, whispering…

Yes that’s right they will do all of those, but their staring cause they don’t know what to say… They aren’t judging they probably saying how brave you are, they don’t know what they would do if they were in your shoes…. A child shouldn’t go before their parent…and much more… They may even come up to you and hold you or say the totally wrong thing to try and ease your pain….?

I do that and I have been through it! Don’t be too harsh on them, they mean well💙💔

I know we all grieve differently… I treat the birthday different to the anniversary… I mark it with little gifts and a visit to the cemetery.

I think back to the day he was born, and how loved he was by all, he was perfect.

People have been so kind today and sent me lovely messages…. Thankyou 💙💔

I kept myself busy time with my family then tackled a huge pile of ironing… 💙💓💔

It’s O. G.’s 19th birthday tomorrow…. I can’t believe so much time has passed…

It feels like yesterday I was giving birth..

Kept myself busy today, spent time with my family.

My eldest was singing ‘Sweet Caroline’ to himself earlier…. Brought a tear to my eye…. That was one of my dad’s favourites….

Re-itteration that our lost loved ones live on in us 💙💔

So it’s the weekend again….

Just got to bed after completing and submitting my assignment….

A little overwhelmed at the moment with so much to do…. But I have adopted the moto that I hope will help me through it…

It is… What it is 😳

My little man’s birthday is looming he would be 19years old on the 10th of March and the thinking cap is on…. What do I get him for his birthday…💙💔

So you see… Those of you who have been following my blog over the last few weeks I hope will have realised that it’s been relatively normal…..

Ups and downs… Yes, but normal life resumes….

There is always gonna be the little things that trigger your thoughts, make you think of your loved ones….

This becomes part of you… These are your triggers…. They will remain… And that’s OK.

Think of yourself as a tree…. They are your branches, that sometimes get blown in the wind 💙💔

You have so much on your mind…. You have additional unnecessary worries…… Strain that you put upon yourself.

You must do this…. Why can’t I do that… You feel like you have to do things….. Or your letting people down…

Stop….in the middle of all of this you have travelled in your car…. How did you get there…. What were you concentrating on…

It’s scary….. But please take a moment when you get into your car…. Stop put the thoughts aside and concentrate on the road…. 💙💔

So I made pancakes last night for my college friends…

I came home and 4 attempts of making pancakes were a failure…. I was a failure… My kids weren’t going to have nice pancakes on pancake day.. I was a bad mum, I was letting them down….

My dad used to make the most amazing thick pancakes one would fill you up and it was always a brilliant family evening…. Why couldnt I do the same…. 😥

So after a cry a rant and taking a moment to put things in perspective…. I got back in that kitchen and made amazing pancakes…. Once again I was doing OK…. Its the little things 💙💔