I managed to spend some quality time with all four today…..

Big fella helped me in the garden, and a hug and love you… Feels great…

Big girl had a day out but cam home pleased to see me… We had a girly chat… also told me ‘you see I do love you’… Feels great

Little fella busy busy and I know he loves me….

Then I popped to the cemetary to see the eldest……….

A simple day shared with the ones I love 💙💔

People can be horrible to you… But I tell you, it takes a certain type of person to be horrible to a grieving mum…..

I was asked once when babysittibg my niece soon after loosing my son… ‘where did you get her from?… Does her mum know?’……

That’s the type of person who doesn’t deserve an answer ……. Just walk away there are negative people who can’t even hang back and try and be nice, even when they know your grieving.

Exclude them from your life…. Never did I speak to that lady again…. She tried to talk to me every time she saw me after that……. But I didn’t even raise my head, she didn’t deserve my breath or time 💙💔

With mothers day around the corner…. I’m thinking of all mums… If you have lost your one and only child… Its a very difficult day.

But I have children and I still find it difficult…. I see a void where his name should be on the card….. I focus on my mum on mother’s day so that it takes the attention away from me.

You are loved you earned your stripes…. Do something special if you can, cause you sure as hell deserve it 💙💔

Someone once told me as they saw one of my most treasured possessions (my boy’s hair lock in a treasured pooh bear pot) on a shelf in the lounge….

Please put that somewhere else… Cause if someone broke in they won’t think of what they are stealing… they will just take everything they see that’s to hand..

Think about where your putting sentimental items….. Cause some things just can’t be replaced 💙💔

People will always think I’m not brave enough…. I may be sensitive and get upset by things quite easily… But one thing life has taught me is trust your instinct….

I wanted to do a degree… But worried about finance and family etc…some people I know, thought I wouldn’t go and do it… But I knew that once I made my decision I would stick by it.

It’s the best thing I have ever done in a few weeks I will be sitting my second lot of exams and finishing my first year.

I will never be an A✳️ student but I will earn my degree through sheer graft and determination and nothing will get in my way(not even algebra😁🤯) . 💙💔

So after we lost our son, and the relationship broke down, and I moved out …..

I struggled… How was I to go from being a family to being on my own…

I tried to ‘just carry on’, but I couldn’t I was soo lonely… I wanted to be loved…. What a dangerous place to be…..

There is always someone waiting to take advantage by being kind pretending they care … But there are also those who quietly in the wings see your vulnerability and ensure you safety….. But they won’t always be there… Be careful 💙💔

I may not be able to change who I became….

I am who I am due to what I have been through….

As I grow older I have grown to love the new me…. Far from perfect but me…… Embrace who you are and do what feels right 💙💔

With having experienced grief and loss like no other…..

When out and about and I come across what I see are very broken people…. I often wonder was I just lucky that I had the help, support and strength and could that have been me?

Or is it that they have never experienced anything like it but rather chose that path….not realising how difficult it was to get out of…

I guess the only way for me is to never judge… As you really don’t know 💙💔

There are occasions when I just cry…. Interestingly recently its around doctors, nurses person if authority or anything associated with illness…..

Im not sure why this is… But can only think its something to do with my experience.

Explaining to a doctor I’m not well or that there is something wrong with one of my children always does it!!

I really wish I could change this but for now I will accept what is 💙💔

Two of my kids are now teenagers… and I feel them spreading their wings…

It makes me anxious and I worry about them…. But I have to let them go.

Now and again I insist on some us time….. Today I asked them both to help me make a pie…. Just yo try and spend some time with them.

I love them to the moon an back and only wish I could…..wrap them in cotton wool forever 💙💔