It’s hard when you don’t put yourself first, and base the decisions you make on how it will make others feel.

But every now and again, you just have to put yourself first and follow your head and not your heart….sure you may upset some people along the way but if they love you they will understand.

Small shifts towards positivity 💙💓💔

There were days when even just getting up and dressed was far too much for me… They were my darkest of days.

Im glad I made that effort back then and pushed myself to do things, because if I hadn’t…. I simply wouldn’t have what I have now, nor would I have learned to love and live again. I just wouldn’t be me…. and the new me ain’t that bad.

It took tiny steps and at times I went backwards instead of forwards… Don’t give up you can do this. It doesn’t mean you forget…. Nor will you ever. But each step makes you stronger.

Grieving parents we live we love but we are a little incomplete 💙💔

Today I met quite a few strangers, and you know sometimes it’s really nice just to be yourself, have fun and be accepted for who you are.

There are some lovely people out there, don’t be afraid to make conversation…. Ask questions.. Or even just a smile and eye contact.

You never know you may just make a difference to the way someone is feeling, it’s way too easy to not realise what’s around you in this busy world. 💙💔

Following the tragedy of loosing your precious child, you will face obstacles… You will have struggles… You will battle a mind that thinks the worst… These are the effects of loosing your child.

The obstacles will make you climb.. The struggles will make you stronger and thinking the worst makes you appreciate what you have. There will be moments where you feel like the thoughts will come true, that everything is just going to continue going wrong.

Enjoy and cherish each day… You are battling and each day is evidence of your strength. Each day and circumstance will show you that things aren’t always going to be bad. You will learn to live again, you will love again, you will start to smile again.

Resilience will shine through, be proud be you 💙💔

So the conversation came up again today…

‘my wife was classed as old she was 31 when she had her first child….

I thought hard before saying a word…

‘ I was 21, they all looked at me like I had done something wrong’

I was young far too young to become a grieving mum. At 21 the only thing I saw was the happily ever after, but the reality was very different.

19 years ago I lost my boy, I’m a survivor and I do see the happily ever after with my children, but always with a little cloud and void in my heart 💙💔

Sometimes I really am not busy….

Sometimes I haven’t got things to do..

Sometimes I quite simply don’t want to….

Do the things you want me to do.

I might just want to sit here…..

and rationalise my thoughts…

Put my mind in order…

Or just do nothing of course…

Please don’t be angry…

Don’t give up on me…….

For tomorrow I may not be busy…

And wish for your company 💙💕💔

Today marked my graduation, and what a lovely day it was. Glad my children were there with me, I wish my eldest was there with me too 💙.

Im so proud of who I am today. I lost myself 19 years ago when I lost Owain, and I could easily have taken the wrong path.

Instead I turned a corner turned grief into strength and started living again.

Today I graduated at the age of 40….Don’t let grief define you….Stay strong, my life experiences made me who I am today. 💙💔

Today hasn’t been the best of days, but we have to take the good with the bad and the ugly… That’s what makes us appreciate precious moments even more….

So because today I feel like I need a huge hug…. I’m offering you all love and hugs too. Strength in numbers share the love 💕💔💙

It’s true what they say, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

So many of us are guilty of not appreciating what we have, but when you have been through loosing your own child, there are moments that make your heart melt.

Really simple moments that you cherish, we had a lovely family day out today. But in the midst of everything, I noticed this and snapped it…..

This is my 13 and 15 year old playing cards during a day out to pass some time = precious moments 💙💔💕

Is it because I lost a child?… One could argue yes or no…

I am a new person now, not the old me and I have a piece missing inside… This could cause it… I am an emotional eater, this doesn’t help!

Truth is I don’t know who I am anymore, social interaction doesn’t suit me, as I get anxious. I struggle with my thoughts, but I can’t just lock myself away forever, so instead I throw myself into life, family, work and education to push myself to feel, laugh, cry, love be scared and awaken all my emotions. The easy option would be to hide away.

Tonight’s down time……. 💔💙💓