So the conversation came up again today…

‘my wife was classed as old she was 31 when she had her first child….

I thought hard before saying a word…

‘ I was 21, they all looked at me like I had done something wrong’

I was young far too young to become a grieving mum. At 21 the only thing I saw was the happily ever after, but the reality was very different.

19 years ago I lost my boy, I’m a survivor and I do see the happily ever after with my children, but always with a little cloud and void in my heart 💙💔

Sometimes I really am not busy….

Sometimes I haven’t got things to do..

Sometimes I quite simply don’t want to….

Do the things you want me to do.

I might just want to sit here…..

and rationalise my thoughts…

Put my mind in order…

Or just do nothing of course…

Please don’t be angry…

Don’t give up on me…….

For tomorrow I may not be busy…

And wish for your company 💙💕💔

Today marked my graduation, and what a lovely day it was. Glad my children were there with me, I wish my eldest was there with me too 💙.

Im so proud of who I am today. I lost myself 19 years ago when I lost Owain, and I could easily have taken the wrong path.

Instead I turned a corner turned grief into strength and started living again.

Today I graduated at the age of 40….Don’t let grief define you….Stay strong, my life experiences made me who I am today. 💙💔

Today hasn’t been the best of days, but we have to take the good with the bad and the ugly… That’s what makes us appreciate precious moments even more….

So because today I feel like I need a huge hug…. I’m offering you all love and hugs too. Strength in numbers share the love 💕💔💙

It’s true what they say, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

So many of us are guilty of not appreciating what we have, but when you have been through loosing your own child, there are moments that make your heart melt.

Really simple moments that you cherish, we had a lovely family day out today. But in the midst of everything, I noticed this and snapped it…..

This is my 13 and 15 year old playing cards during a day out to pass some time = precious moments 💙💔💕

Is it because I lost a child?… One could argue yes or no…

I am a new person now, not the old me and I have a piece missing inside… This could cause it… I am an emotional eater, this doesn’t help!

Truth is I don’t know who I am anymore, social interaction doesn’t suit me, as I get anxious. I struggle with my thoughts, but I can’t just lock myself away forever, so instead I throw myself into life, family, work and education to push myself to feel, laugh, cry, love be scared and awaken all my emotions. The easy option would be to hide away.

Tonight’s down time……. 💔💙💓

Through life you experience different situations with different people. Some things you will never experience again such as grief, loss of a loved one…

You may separate, grow apart or even split during grief…. Wherever possible try and maintain any relationships, family links, friendships…. Cause there will be moments in life when you just want to speak to a person who went through it with you, the only person who understands….

Of course there are other people that have lost a child, a relative, parent, sibling or anyone close, but your experience is unique to those who went through it with you.

Together you will find strength.

Im lucky to have maintained friendships…. And I wouldn’t be without my extended family past and present 💙💔💓

I had moments when I thought my life was over, but the results of my 1st year in university, are in….i still have one exam to do but so far I have passed!!

My graduation for the project mangement I completed last year is next Wednesday!!!! Exciting!

I have changed career since I lost my boy 19 years ago and went from hospitality and catering to admin, but I have remained determined and developed and taken any opportunity I could to improve myself.

I am proud of everything I have achieved, despite my experiences…. 💔💙👩‍🎓

So my niece had her 18th birthday on the weekend and we all had a fabulous time. We all dressed up in Disney outfits as per her request.I remember the day my sister came to tell me she was pregnant…. I was so happy for her, and all I wanted was for her to have a healthy happy baby after the tragedy I had faced the year before 💙💔My niece brought sunshine to my darkest days, and she made me learn how to live again. I lived spending time with her and spoiling her rotten.As she blew out the candles on her birthday cake made by me, an overwhelming heartache came over me, when I realised I never saw my boy reach his milestone birthdays.But I’m so lucky to have my niece’s, nephews, and children who I am so proud of every day and love with all my heart 💙💔

So tonight I am away from home, not able to kiss my children goodnight.

I hate being away from them, but I also know it’s good for them and for me…. As they grow older they will become independent and I won’t be able to reach out to hold them tight and kiss them goodnight.

But I hope they will always know no matter how far away they are, that I love them with all my heart 💓💔💙