If your a parent who has experienced the loss of a child, your emotions will be in tatters this week….

To be honest all parents are feeling it this week, so your not being irrational.

It is hard handing the responsibility of your child to a childminder, nursery, school or even into the big wide world.

You can’t avoid it, you have done all you can, it’s now time for them to discover for themselves, yes there are risks, but the risks are there when they are with you too.

Give them a big hug and kiss and wish them good luck….. And enjoy those moments when they come back to you squeeze you harder than usual and tell you they missed you 💙💔

With this I share a pick of my two 6 years ago 😂

There are differing versions of love….really I hear you say!?

Yes, there is the love you give to friends, love you have for family, the unconditional love you get from your children and the love you have for material things or places..

As a grieving parent I longed to be loved, but was too blind to see all the love around me. This could have been people asking how I was, giving me a sympathetic look, avoiding me, or even saying the total wrong thing.

They did those things because they loved me…. If you are experiencing grief just take a moment now and again to absorb the love of those that are around you helping in their own little way showing you that they love you, because at times what you need is right there, but you don’t always recognise it. 💙💔

You may capture a glimpse of a parent and child doing the simplest of things and just smile and admire or even feel sad……

This is because you know more than them probably, how precious their moment is….

They are the moments we want…..its natural to admire, absorb, or even feel jealous…..

For we aren’t as fortunate as those standing in front of us 💙💔

It’s about acceptance I guess….

Accepting the new slightly damaged me, accepting that people will always on occasion only know me as ‘the one who lost the baby’, accepting that life will always be that little bit different, accepting that you have a child for who time stood still, accepting each occasion no matter how happy the occasion has a little something missing…… But most of all accepting help, comfort, understanding….. Leading to accepting me. 💔💙

I cuddled your blanket today, and 19 years on its still yours, still your smell still you.

This blanket has been a major comfort to me over the years…..

You may have only been here for 6 weeks, but your memory lives on in everyone who loved you 💙💔

I learnt a lot today…. I sat in a bus stop for 30 minutes, and observed.

People don’t have labels, but some people clearly have daily struggles.

But in a bus stop you see moments, kindness, frustration, love, hate, laziness, pleasantness all sorts of emotions, people of all ages, shapes and sizes.

But most of all in a bus stop your not alone, and actually it’s not a bad place to be. 💙💔

People may think I’m too open, share to much, say too much or just don’t keep anything private..

Well I’m trying to do something that breaks the norm…..

Im being open and honest, talking about my feelings and sharing my thoughts. Far too many people suffer in silence every day, lives are lost and harm is done, all because people feel they will be judged if they speak out.

It’s good to talk and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise……. There’s no shame in talking, you may see that people appreciate your honesty, those people are the best!!! 👌❤️💙💔

My heart could burst with pride….

Today my son got his first set of GCSE results from his year 10 exams.

Im proud of how conciencious he is, his thoughts and sensitivity. He is striving to be the best he can be, and I couldn’t be prouder. He did well and I’m proud.

Of course at one point my mind did wonder, and I thought to myself… This is another thing I missed out on with my eldest, but I’m sure he would have done me proud too.

There will always be moments they enter your mind, as they are always with you ❤️💙💔

It breaks my heart, I feel deeper.

I wonder if people realise what detrimental effect they have when they are being negative towards me.

I know that I should just rise above…..

But on occasion I just can’t, and it takes me a while to process it, but during me processing it, it really hurts.

Nobody knows what battles people are facing so just be kind…..

Luckily over time I have learnt to deal with my emotions again, but that doesn’t mean its easy. 💙💔

I worry all the time about the past determining my future…

Im proud of who I am today, I’m a mum, a Foster parent, I have good qualifications and am undertaking a degree to further enhance my prospects.

I was in the hotel industry when I lost my boy, working all the time day and night….. It certainly showed me there was more to life.

When I was ready to work again a kind gentleman offered me some work, without that opportunity I wouldn’t be where I am today 💙💔