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This is it!

I have over the years learnt and  accepted a lot about myself and my experiences.

Some i really didn’t want to accept, some i didn’t hesitate to learn.

Easy? No …. But each acceptance has allowed me to develop and progress, but not forget. 

I am far from perfect and continue with this journey of self discovery, who knows i may finally have answers by the time i reach half a century. 

I’m not striving for perfection, but i wish to be the best i can be.

I’ve learnt that being the best i can be, is not just about me, but about how my actions help others.

After all if we can’t do any good, what can we do?………..

Clutter

Where can you reduce clutter in your life?

Reducing clutter is a difficult one for me…

I don’t come from much which has made possessions prominent in my mind. Clutter used to make me feel wealthy, warm and accomplished.

Now i realise that clutter is things we don’t necessarily need, but firm attachments to, so i have over the years scaled down considerably.

Clutter of the mind, however, that continues as I am constantly thinking of a million things at once. I have tried brain dumps, speaking out, lists, and so much more, but cluttering the mind gives less space to the trauma that continuously wants to take over.

So, in short, sort of decluttered home, but a very cluttered mind.

Bodlon….

Mae’r gair yma wedi dod i’m meddwl lot yn ddiweddar.

Bodlon means content, satisfied, happy, or fulfilled. The word has been on my mind a lot lately.

Pam? Wel am fy mod wedi cyrraedd pwynt yn bywyd, lle dwin stopio y ‘rat race’ a sylweddoli be sydd yn bwysig.

Yn dod o deulu lle nad oedd gennym llawar, roedd yn bwysig i mi weithio’n galed.

Fel oedd Dad yn deud ‘does dim byd i gael am ddim’. Rhaid gwithio galad i gael be da ni isho yn bywyd.

Ond be yn union da ni isho. Dwin berson reit syml o ran be dwi isho. To uwch fy mhen, bwyd yn ein bolia a dillad, ond mwyaf oll iechyd.

Dwin gweld pobol yn ddyddiol mewn ras i’r top, ond i ble ac i be? Be fydd wedyn iddynt? Be os mai yn y top breuddwyd rhywun arall ydio, ac ar ol yr holl waith caled ni ydynt bodlon am mai pobol eraill oedd yn eu gwthio, neu dilyn breuddwydion eu rhieni neu rhywun arall oeddant.

Weithiau mae isho isda yn ol a gweld be sydd yn wir gneud ni yn hapus. Be ydi ein gwir dyheuiadau, dim rhai pobol eraill, na be da ni wedi cael ein dysgu sydd yn common rule yn bywyd.

Rhaid i ti fynd i coleg…..pam? Oes rhaid?

Rhaid i chdi gael cariad, priodi a chael plant…….pam?

Tydi ‘one rule suits all’ rioed di bod yn wir, neu mi fysai yn fywyd reit rhyfadd.

Tydi syniad pawb o lwyddiant ddim yn edrych run fath, a ma hyny yn beth da.

Gwn fy mod wedi llwyddo mewn bywyd, am bod gen i deulu bach hapus, llwyth o gariad o’ ngwmpas, to uwch fy mhen, a bwyd yn y fridge.

Dyma be oni isho erioed, a dwi wir yn ddiolchgar am be sydd gen i heddiw ❤️💯 

Christmas eve….

That night again that is still so difficult. 25 years on and i still sit and feel empty about the missing sack, the empty space and all the things your missing out on.

It wasnt meant to be this way at all……..

Its ok to grieve at Christmas, i know i am so fortunate to have my little family, but i also know that there is a void in my heart since the day we said goodbye.

Sleep tight my angel, 😇

Y flwyddyn cefais fy ngeni

Share what you know about the year you were born.

I fod yn honest, wyddwn i ddim am flwyddyn  fy ngeni. Gwn fy mod y trydydd plentyn i Mam a Dad, a doedd fy ddechreuad ddim yn un hawdd, efo gorfod cael transfusion yn syth.

Er hyny dwin falch iawn or flwyddyn hono, falch o fod yma, a mwyaf oll falch o fod wedi cael y dechreuad cefais yn bywyd.

What do people say about me….

Omg….. Do you know in my head everyone is saying horrible things, but then part of me thinks if they are, then its cause they dont know me.

Tell us one thing you hope people say about you.

One day i hope people will realise im a loner from choice, not snobery nor because its what i like. Its purely  because i cant risk myself on any more people, i have been hurt by the closest, strangers and more and i cant take any more of it. So i keep my circle small to save nobody but my family and i.

I hope one day that people will say, i was a good woman, and if they dont, well i wont be here to hear it so really, who cares.

My family is my everything, as long as they are ok, then i will have done something right.

I love deeply, and if you make the inner circle, then know that you are extremely lucky, but know also that you are a person i trust with my heart ❤️

Worry what people are thinking of me!

What could you do less of?

This is something I do constantly…..

Somethings are instilled,  behaviours that have been created from a very young age. 

Why dont you stop then, i hear you say…..

Is it a bad thing?

The day i stop worrying what others think, is the day i dont care…….

I will leave that with you….

I would certainly prefer to be the way i am, than so closed off that i care for nothing….

Hitio botwm crisis…..

Yn ddiweddar mi es i, i le tywyll iawn, doedd dim penodol, ond bob dim di dod yn ormod.

Sylwais reit sydyn bod angen help arnai. On be oedd yr help oni isho, dwim yn siwr.

Buan iawn sylwais er mod  i angen help, doedd gen i ddim yr amser i rhoid i neb oedd yn trio fy helpua!

Teimlais fwy o bwysa yn sydyn ofnadwy, roedd pawb isho tamaid ohonaf fel petau.

Yna cofiais y pwysigrwydd o dderbyn, derbyn sefyllfa, argaeledd, yr cymorth oedd ar gael a mwy.

Cofiais hefyd nid oedd rhaid i fi wneud bob dim ar unwaith. Felly eisteddais yn ol gwneud rhestr o bob dim oedd yn cael ei gynnig.

Derbyniais nad oedd posib i bob dim ddigwydd ar unwaith, es ati i feddwl be oedd yn bosib efo’r amser oedd genai.

A dyma ddechrau ar siwrne arall i ddod yn well unwaith eto.

Diolch i bawb sydd yn fy nghefnogi🥰

Top three peeves

Name your top three pet peeves.

I had a giggle when I read this prompt…..then I immediately thought gosh how does a menopausal woman decide on just three 😂😂

Here it goes….

  1. Insensitive people
  2. Rudeness….the simple please and thanks…. Costs nothing
  3. People using phones whilst driving…. Life is far too precious for needless accidents, the texts and calls can wait.